IAAT profile: Dolderer

1. How old were you when you took your first dump?
I would really rather not talk about this. I don't think many of you know this, but when I was young my father was quite the rapscallion. That may be the wrong word to use. His hobbies included raping and pillaging. He would take me along on "raids" with his "guild of warriors" and sometimes present me as a peace offering to the "helpless savages" as he would put it. Of course this was all a ruse so he could rape as many of their men as possible. I remember seeing his engorged member throb through his latex pantleg, saliva dripping from the side of his mouth as he readied his axe. For whatever reason, he always forced me to remove all of the villager’s shirts after dousing them with buckets of water. Sorry, I am getting off track here. I was about twelve years old when we were making nice with a group of men over some tea before the rape ritual. All the sudden I heard my father scream, "UNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGHHHHHH. FURRRRRRRRRGGGG. What the fuck is in this shit?!" The leader of men stood up and said, "Not this time." Soon enough my father and his men were spraying gloopy streams of greenish-brown shit all over the room. A room full of teeth-gnashing, loud grunts, heavy breathing, and piercing screams. That’s when I felt it. I fell to the fetal position and began convulsing wildly. Streams of stinky shit sprayed out of my ass onto the wall. Curiously, it formed a stencil outline of Will Smith's head. Anyway, the tribesmen proceeded to shove all their asses into my father's ass. It was after this episode that he left the guild, settled down in Seattle, and became a high society homosexual and an IT professional.

2. Have you accidentally the whole thing?
My name is Yomungry Ruisinstrude. Let me show you who I am.

3. OWNED!
Toes are cold, Haha My

4. What was the first game that made you ragequit and what happened to make you act like a big fucking baby?
I'm not sure. It must have been Sonic The Hedgehog 2 on Sega Genesis. I had a Commodore 64 computer before that, but I was really young and don't remember ever ragequitting. Sonic 2 was the first game I had for Sega and I played the hell out of it. I'm sure I rage quit on Oil Ocean.

5. What are your thoughts on shirtless men hugging?
It reminds me of my father.

6. Would you ever show your ass to your own ass? Why?


7. If you were Gordon Freeman for one day, what would you do?
Let me just say once the day ended I would kill myself because there would be nothing else worth living for. I will have reached the pinnacle of existence. First I would make love to Alyx. Then a vortigaunt. Of course I would save tender Eli for last (RIP). I wouldn't go to Ravenholm because we don't go to Ravenholm. I'd shit myself inside a particle accelerator causing another Resonance Cascade and transporting me to Xen. Dr. Breen would be there kissing a shirtless G-Man. After making my way back to Earth, I'd hijack a Combine Helicopter and fly to Tulsa to use my suped up gravity gun on Kyle Phillips while he is taking a shower.

8. How extreme are you?
This one time I worked a 9 to 5 corporate office job where I put papers in order for an entire summer. Oh, that's right now. I have blasted Young Jeezy while driving through a bad neighborhood. I enjoy playing Risk. In a little more than a month and one week I'll have my hands inside of a dead person's chest cavity.

9. Do you agree that the Engineer is a credit to the team?
Quite possibly my favorite character. Or second favorite. I love that game. I wonder if they would make TF3? You can't really make new classes. New characters and a new graphical style? No Thanks. Maps and game modes can just be added to TF2. Hm.

10. Tell the story about the first time you kissed a man:
There's an app for that.