By: cobra_commanDER on 3/26/2009 5:13:52 PM

ok, we lived across the street from the UT football stadium. so during games people would come and flood our neighborhood with cars, parking anywhere they could despite completely ruining it for everyone who lived there. so yeah, I needed to run some errands or some shit so I put out some cones to save my spot from the vultures and went about my business. when i came back there was a van parked over my freakin cones. I was effin fuming because I had to park far from my house because of this fucker. so I took a table leg from a table we had broken down for goodwill and baseball batted the passenger door and punctured holes in the side a long with a massive dent, I took a full piss into a pitcher and poured it all down the windshield and driver's side door, my roommate at the time took a black shit, wiped his ass, and smeared it on the door handles, he also grabbed some fish from the fridge and stuck it up under the van somewhere around the engine block. by this time, a few people had come and I was able to go get my truck from where i had parked it and came to park back at the house. since my truck is an old 92 chevy, i decided to ram the front of the van several times trying to adjust myself into the new spot vacated for me. we waited for dudes to show up and about 2 hours later when the sun was pretty much down and old lady walked to her van, opened the door, and drove away. i simultaneously felt great and horrible. i hate people.

The Original Guacachip

Guacamole flavored tortilla chips! Made with real avocados!


Thank god you know? For a minute, I was at the brink of despair. I couldn't handle the thought of them using fake avocados.

CHAG PESACH SAMEACH

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHA YES YES YE SEYES YES EAT THE MATZOH EATH THE MATZOH EATH THE MATZOH MATZOH EAT THE MATZOHS EAT THE MATZOH CRUMBLE IT INTO YOUR EYES AND SMEAR IT ON YOUR CHODE CHECK IT OUT THE OTHER DAY WHEN I WAS JAMMING WITH DAVE WITTE AND JACOB JEWCANNON IN OUR NEW BAND MATZO))))) THE WEBMASTER CAME AND OHHHH MAN EAT THE MATZOH OUR NEW BAND IS AWESOME WE PLAY SO LOW THAT IT MAKES YOU DROP MATZOH BALLS IN YOUR PANTS AND THEN YOU EAT THE MATZOH BALLS AND BECOME IMMORTAL LIKE MOSES AND BECOME ONE OF US AND DWELL IN THE PRESENCE OF THE JEWY GOODNESS FOREVER AND EVER AND SO OUR NEIGHBOR THE WEBMASTER CAME OVER WAS ALL LIKE HEY GUYS YOU TOTALLY ROXORZ WILL YOU BE ON MY NEW FAILURE OF A RECORD LABEL DIMITRI HEARD THIS FROM THE OGHHHHHH HYES FUK EAT THE MATZOH YEYS YES YES EYSES EAT THE MATZOH MATZOH MATZOH OF MOSES AND SMASH IT WITH YOUR GUILT AND WASH IT DOWN WITH MANISHEVITZ DIMITRI HERAD THIS FROM THE OTHER ROOM AND WAS ALL LIKE YEAH THATS TOTALLY AWESOME I CAN BE THE FAGGOT JEW MONEY COLLECTOR MERCH GUY FOR MATZO)))))) AND THE WEBMASTER WAS ALL LIKE YEAH TOTALLY AWESOME BUT I WAS ALL LIKE NO YOU FAGGOT JEWSHIT GET YOUR FAGGOT JEWY RECORD LABEL OUT OF HERE SO JACOB JEWCANNON FIRED CARROT TZIMMES SHOTS AT THE WEBMASTER AND THEN WE DUCT TAPED DIMITRIS FACE TO A BLOWTORCH AND SHOVED FROZEN MACAROONS IN HIS NOSE AND DAVE WITTE PRACTICED BLAST BEATS ON HIS TESTICLES OOHHHHH HAHAHAHA ESY YES YES YESY EYS EAT THE MATZOH EAT THE MATZOH EA TTHE MAZTOSH SHMEAR IT IN YOUR BAGELS AND GO BOBBING FOR GEFILTE FISH IN THE JOYLET EAT IT WITH SCHMOLZ AND WIPE YOUR ASS WITH TINFOIL

MUY BEANS!

MUY BEANS!

NO HOMO HAMANA BURRITO ENCHILADA FIRESAUCE!







Soy un Taco!!!!!!!!!!

VD TACO

ye are not snowy, bebe

ye are not hannah, bebe

ye are not s. s. skeeny, bebe

ye are not anybody's bebe

E. Honda eat the taco

Yon plebian!

Every time
a taco is formed
I must remove my
shoe

Hark!

Yon plebian!
Thy taco has a +2 sexterity
How wonderous
Yon plebian!

Let us share the ale!
Let us share the ale!
Let us share the ale!
Let us share the ale!

MAZES OF FLAVOR

Chode, the taco,

masticated into oblivion, the world shall feel your greasy fingers lock onto it's esophagus.

No sphincter can withstand the power of thy will, taco.

deep down into my see through spandex.

Navigate my jennifer connelly skid marks to a tasty brownie,

left for the world to see in the shape of a mud mug in my pantry.

guacolonophonomy

zombie grind, zombie grind

goil, goil, goil,

microwaveable, recycle - able- lul

make my baby my taco machine

guacololomy in my holomy

Help.

Is this a taco?
Is this a bird?
Is this a whale with gigantic taco testicles?
Is this a beige thing with a bunch of tacos attached to it?
What the fuck.

Tacoman

Season the beef with your hands
Sauté the beef while you can, tacoman
Eat the beef on your own
Play the maracas all alone, tacoman

Tacoman, come together with your shells
Feed me, I'm starving for your flan
Feed me

All my friends are mexicans
All my friends are short and round, tacoman
All my friends are named Juan
They crave the seasoned beef with their bones,
Tacoman

Pass the sour cream with your hands
Serve the tacos while you can, tacoman

Thank you, good night people

Lambda-class T-4a shuttle

The Lambda-class T-4a shuttle was a standard light utility craft in common use throughout the Imperial military as a transport for troops and high-ranking individuals.

L4D Haiku Series - First Installment

Hey, look out Zoey.
There's a Smoker on the roof!
Hanging makes you poop.

This is serious.

I am serious
about things that are serious
your opinion is important to me
when you compare two situations
I become very serious
My taco stands at attention
ha ha! Now you don't like this?
Allah help me!




I require mother's approval.
haha!
I beg you to follow me.
Oh how I plead with you.
Show me your wealth.
No

I have a heavy taco.

Don't look at my taco that way.