this is what it looks like
eat your heart out, phillips
eat your heart out, phillips
Showing posts with label Kyle Phillips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kyle Phillips. Show all posts
Friday, July 9, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
A Billionaire's Millenium Machine
Today I had to fix the technologies of one billionaire playboy, Kyle Phillips. It was payment for having been embarrassed by a Dirty Dad Dick via the internet. He explained to me (as dictated by one of his assistants) that your reputation means everything when you own several large islands in the pacific, one of which being Japan. All the while he glared at me from the heights of his gigantic champagne glass bubble bath.
I was taken to the Nerdery in a separate building adjacent to the main house and just south of the "Phillip's Church of the Immaculate Duckets" on his compound. I was there to service his millenium machine, one that will aid him in taking over a portion of Gabe Newell's holdings in Valve and all associated ventures.
Inside the Nerdery there were 53 people at any given time posting under several of Kyle Phillips' messageboard and TF2 franchises. As I walked through the massive building, they caught this man taking a break to e-mail his wife and children whom he had not seen or talked to in 15 months.
He was corrected, immediately and severely, by being bonked endlessly by his captors. It is much too violent to show on a family website, so this is the censored version of what it looked like:
He was disposed of in the garden.
After a long day of troubleshooting, I had fixed the Billionaire Bastards technologies. It was time to head to my peaceful home to play computer games and put beer in my face.
I was taken to the Nerdery in a separate building adjacent to the main house and just south of the "Phillip's Church of the Immaculate Duckets" on his compound. I was there to service his millenium machine, one that will aid him in taking over a portion of Gabe Newell's holdings in Valve and all associated ventures.
Inside the Nerdery there were 53 people at any given time posting under several of Kyle Phillips' messageboard and TF2 franchises. As I walked through the massive building, they caught this man taking a break to e-mail his wife and children whom he had not seen or talked to in 15 months.
He was corrected, immediately and severely, by being bonked endlessly by his captors. It is much too violent to show on a family website, so this is the censored version of what it looked like:
He was disposed of in the garden.
After a long day of troubleshooting, I had fixed the Billionaire Bastards technologies. It was time to head to my peaceful home to play computer games and put beer in my face.
Curse the Phillips
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Kyle Phillips hates my life.
Kyle Phillips is jealous of my life. He told me he hates the way I eat waffles.
Kyle Phillips told me my taste in syrups disgusts him.
Kyle Phillips cannot stand being told you've done your research.
Why does Kyle Phillips want my life to be shit? Why does he envy my refined tastes? Why does Kyle Phillips want to ruin my life?
Monday, August 17, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
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